The Folding Chair Project: The Sedlar Family

Most state constitutions guarantee an education to our children, but there is no mention of how or by whom; nor who decides the best delivery method.  Some states have more options than others, and choices can include charter, traditional district, homeschool, microschool, education pod, private, or a combination of these.  As families are unique and as life is unpredictable, our options must allow the flexibility for families to navigate life’s challenges.  I never knew how much education choice would mean to me until my child desperately needed it.

The Sedlar Family

We were a very active district family.  I was at the school so much that students thought I worked there – and district employees treated me like family.  And, such as family is by nature, you’re invested for life.  I had raised tens of thousands of dollars for district organizations and attended more School Board meetings than many Directors themselves.  My oldest joined the district in 4th grade, and my youngest would finish district schooling 20 years later; that was the plan.  But that’s not how life unfolded for us, but more pointedly, for Virginia.

Virginia has 5 older sisters.  She was energetic, fearless, quick-witted, and smart.  She started school at full speed and loved it.  In Kindergarten, she had a pretty strict (but kind) teacher and she thrived with the consistency and continuity of her classroom.  In first grade, her teacher was very sweet and resourceful.  Virginia especially loved her.  “Mrs. S” was a certified reading specialist, and Virginia was not only doing extremely well in all areas of school, but she was, in particular, a vociferous reader; advancing in reading levels by leaps and bounds.  She was doing so well, she was on track for gifted programming evaluation at the beginning of 2nd grade.  She enjoyed going to school, eager to see her friends and learn new things every single day.

After about a month in second grade, something changed.  Virginia started dragging her feet in the morning, no longer as eager to go to school as she once was.  I chalked it up to nerves associated with acclimating to a new classroom, a new teacher, or new material.  But after the difficulty escalated, my husband and I met with school officials 6 weeks into the school year, requesting a change in classroom teacher.  This request was outright denied (in a shocking, no-discussion fashion), and school officials suggested a Student Accommodation Plan, to which we agreed, as it appeared to be our own option.  We didn’t even consider options outside of the district. 

The SAP allowed for Virginia to come into school and avoid the chaotic nature of the cafeteria (used as a holding room until the starting bell rang during cold or bad weather) by going into another, teacher-supervised room or her regular 2nd-grade classroom depending on the logistics of the day.  Virginia’s older sister, attending 5th grade in the same building, was able to escort Virginia to the appropriate pre-bell classroom, and would even stay with her until the other children arrived. This seemed to help somewhat in getting her to school on a daily basis, but the increase in emotional needs at home was noticeable – more sleeping in Mom’s bed, nightmares, fear of going to sleep, and stomachaches.  It was becoming more and more obvious to me that the issue was her teacher, but I was hopeful that perhaps something in the dynamic could and would change.

After the Christmas holiday, and feeling the security of family for a prolonged period of time, returning to school was difficult for Virginia, and as such, referral to an Art Therapist (an Art Teacher doubled in this role) was thankfully arranged.  The assessment suggested that Virginia was “very sensitive and empathetic”.  Virginia’s home status did not change, and school mornings were still very difficult, but I was able to get her out the door to attend school – at least for the morning.  It wasn’t unusual for Virginia to call me and need to come home at any point and time in the day, or for me to have to go to school and sit with her for a bit to calm her and cajole her into staying.  Virginia had also taken to bringing a necklace with a picture of her family in it that she could look at throughout the day to be “close” to us.  She desperately needed that life raft, that connection, that tiny bit of calm that she felt her family brought to her to get her through the day.

About a month later, Virginia’s older sister suffered second impact syndrome (a second concussion shortly after a first), and was in a wheelchair and was referred for homebound instruction.  This was a sister with whom Virginia shared a room (when she actually slept in it, which was now rare).  At about the same time, the school became impatient with Virginia and her needs and violated the SAP time and time again.  The district insisted that the plan be changed, and the school pushed for Virginia to move to arriving in her daily, regular classroom every morning (rather than a few per week) prior to the bell to avoid the chaos of the hallways.  I reluctantly agreed to the new routine; but as we attempted this new system, Virginia would refuse to go to the classroom.  I’ll never forget the morning when the principal “corralled” her (as if she were a toddler in daycare) while I walked out the door, being convinced by the school that Virginia was experiencing simple separation anxiety.

After that day, Virginia lost trust in the principal.  But still, I tried to hold onto a “normal” district education for Virginia, and the school allowed me to escort her to her 2nd-grade classroom in the mornings, where she was greeted by her teacher.  Incrementally, Virginia was able to depart from me at the downstairs step landing – a courageous task for her, and we were so proud of her progress, as was she.  But then I was told that I would no longer be permitted in the building at all (despite having all necessary clearances), because it wasn’t something other parents were allowed to do.

The next 3 weeks were a blur – my fears for Virginia, for my role as a parent and how I was going to navigate the increasing difficulties, the feelings of helplessness in a system that required compulsory education and the lack of options, the increasingly hostile behavior of school officials, the days of being in that school office with a crying child, not knowing what to do, and being told that the school couldn’t help because Virginia’s trusted school employees were not available.  How was I to help this child return to a full and productive, typical district education in these circumstances?

I spent weeks jumping from one strategy to another to cajole Virginia to go to school – from hugging and consoling her, to bribing her, to even explaining to her in one of my most exasperated mornings that she had to go to school or else I, myself, would “get in trouble”.  On all of these mornings, she relented and went to school.  But this one morning, stubbornly and fearfully, with tears in her eyes, told me “I just can’t go Mommy.  Please don’t make me go there” and she wouldn’t budge.  The range of emotions on this child’s face was heartbreaking.  She was literally falling to pieces before my eyes.  She had done all that was asked of her for 6 months and my seven-year-old child was just…done.

Finally, I had to seek support from my doctor’s office.  I had to protect my family from the daily stress and harm I felt was being imposed on us, and I had to protect us legally from compulsory attendance violations that I knew were coming without medical backup.  Luckily, my doctor’s office agreed with my assessment and issued accommodations that they felt were necessary for Virginia.  When the doctor’s note was given to the school district, I was told that they were unreasonable. As the district refused to abide by the prescribed action, I knew that there was no way Virginia could return to that school.  Returning to that environment would not have been in her best interests, but once again the school felt that they were the ultimate authority on MY CHILD.

Four years later Virginia still contends with profound after-effects from her experience, but with the 504 plan via her cyber charter school, she is happy and thriving.   Our chosen educational environment allows the safety and security she has come to need.  She’s even started to entertain attending high school in person, looking forward to once again having friends she sees every day, with whom she can go to the local mall or participate in school-related activities, but that’s for another day.  We don’t put much faith into planning too far ahead when it comes to children and life.  Lesson well-learned.

And that’s the point.  Life is challenging and throws curve balls.  For many of us, we don’t know we need education choice until we do; and as such, our children need access to education built for and around them.  The top-down approach does not work, and this inflexible and archaic education system is harming our children. The current education system fails kids every single day – emotionally, physically, psychologically, and academically.  Education choice solves issues that performance metrics cannot validate.

While this story may seem to be a criticism of district education as a whole, it is not.  Rather, it is a demonstration of the fact that the district cannot always serve every child, and most certainly in this case, not my child.  We will never know how different things would have been for Virginia had a simple classroom change taken place as requested.  But what I do know is that my child still contends with the fallout every single day.  Sure, there are sacrifices our family has to make, but I’m lucky to be able to stay home with my child. 

But what about other households with different setups from mine; where both parents need to work, or in a single-parent household; where the need is for Special Education services, or Gifted Education, or psychological, emotional, or physical needs that cannot be accommodated in the traditional district setting?  What if the child doesn’t feel safe – due to bullying, assault, or a simple and basic inability to trust, as in my child’s case? 

Those who don’t support education options might not know the stories, such as Virginia’s, where the need for education options IS immediate and critical.  Education choice families and advocates are NOT anti-district education, but rather believe that parents are the best equipped to make decisions for their children; particularly after an experience such as ours where the traditional education system failed their child.

If a district school serves your family – and there are many, many that do extremely well – I am happy for you and I applaud your district for their dedication and hard work.  But even in the best of circumstances and districts, one uniform system cannot serve all children.  There will always be exceptions.  And, if we are all truly centered on children (like Virginia and so many others) there will always be a need for education choice.

Sharon Sedlar is a mom to 6 girls in Brentwood, PA. After seeing for herself the need for protection and expansion of education choice policy in Pennsylvania, she founded PA Families for Education Choice (PaFEC).

Help us share the stories of parent advocates and their efforts to improve education for students. Email tillie@parents4support.com

End of Semester Burnout and Holiday Stress: Tips for Parents & Students

It's not uncommon for you or your students to feel burned out or stressed at the end of the semester or as the holidays are approaching. Learning at home can sometimes feel like a 24/7/365 commitment, and the lines between home, work, and school get blurred, and it's especially overwhelming during the holidays.

So, How can you finish the semester strong?

Work backward. Create "To Do" lists and checklists for projects, assignments, and exams working backward from their due dates. Doing this will help you prioritize your time and ensure nothing falls through the cracks.

Use the Pomodoro Method to stay on track during the day. It's easier to tackle more significant projects when you break them down into smaller chunks of time.

Get some fresh air. Sometimes taking a 15-minute break and walking around the block energizes you and the kids.

Dance it out. Turn up the music and get moving. Dancing is a great way to get the creative juices flowing and a great way to work out nervous energy before final exams or presentations. Expert advice: Let the kids choose the tunes.

Create simple, special occasions. When school and life get hectic, make time for special activities. For example, let the kids plan and prepare lunch or dinner one day during the week, have an afternoon tea party, or family movie night with hot cocoa and popcorn. A little break from the stress can do wonders for the whole family.

Say "no." It's easy to get overextended this time of the year. If you feel stressed about another holiday party, your kids may be feeling that way, too. Think quality of interactions and activities over quantity and just say no if accepting an invitation will cost you more money, time, or the last bit of your sanity.

We hope these tips help you finish the semester strong, and we wish you Happy Holidays!

Introducing The Folding Chair Project

The great Shirley Chisolm once said, “If they don't give you a seat at the table, bring a folding chair.” This quote became my mantra as I advocated for my children and their educational opportunity in the traditional public school system, which preferred parents to show up for the bake sale rather than chiming in on curriculum or instructional practices. As my advocacy for school choice and innovative learning models like online learning progressed, Shirley's powerful call to action became the force behind my work to support families who are often marginalized or silenced during education policy discussions.

2021 was “The Year of the Parent,” as parents activated to address educational issues exacerbated during COVID-19. However, work remains to ensure parents have a seat at the table addressing educational issues -- whether in the classroom, at school board meetings, or in statehouses across the country.

Parents still find themselves fighting for a seat at the table, and far too often, powerful and influential special interests drown out their voices. Parents are treated as passive participants in their children's education rather than rightful stakeholders. And even after the recent focus on education in elections across the country, we still have parents fighting to get their voices heard. For example, parents in New Jersey have advocated for remote learning options during this pandemic, only to be ignored by Governor Murphy, who has implemented a remote learning ban. This remote learning ban has left vulnerable students and their families with inferior home instruction. Still, in the grips of the pandemic, parents worry for their students’ access to instruction and continuity in education. And, in Texas, a commission on virtual education has been created, and parents have no representation. This commission was established to develop and make recommendations regarding the delivery and funding of virtual education in the public school system. Experienced online public school parents could share insights and inform the process, and still, they wait for an invitation to the discussion. These are just a few examples, but the message to parents is clear -- the education establishment still has a long way to go in honoring the expertise of parents.

And that is where the idea for this blog was born. The Folding Chair Project will be a forum to share perspectives on education reform, school choice, and parent advocacy. Our right and responsibility are to fight for our children and their educational opportunities. Our duty as advocates is to point out when parent voices are missing from discussions that will impact our children and their school choice. The Folding Chair Project will elevate and amplify the parent voice at every level of the education system.

I look forward to sharing my perspective after decades of parent advocacy and learning from my fellow advocates as we work to improve education for all students. I hope you will join me in this project -- if you have a story to tell, I want to hear from you! Get your folding chairs ready, parents -- we are going to carry the momentum of “The Year of the Parent” into 2022 and claim our rightful place at the table!

Help us share the stories of parent advocates and their efforts to improve education for students. Email tillie@parents4support.com

Tillie Elvrum is an education advocacy pioneer with experience at the state and national level. She founded Elvrum Consulting after two decades of education reform and school choice advocacy. She currently leads the Parent Support for Online Learning initiative.

Online Schools: What Parents Need To Know

Remote and online learning was a new concept to many families during COVID-19 school closures, but did you know online schools have served students for over two decades in the United States? According to the Digital Learning Collaborative's Snapshot Report, 32 states offer full-time online schools to students, and 325,000 students attended those schools in the 2018-2019 school year. Due to COVID-19, parent and student interest in full-time online learning opportunities have increased. As more families become comfortable with online learning, we expect the demand and enrollment in these schools to grow as well.

But how do parents make the distinction between the remote learning they experienced during school closures and what their students might encounter in the full-time online school setting? We have created a list of questions that parents should ask as they research online schools. These questions will help guide the decision-making progress and allow parents to get detailed answers from potential online education providers. This list is by no means one-size-fits-all, but these questions can direct your research and provide a starting point. Parents are encouraged to think about their students' individual educational needs and create a personalized list of questions for potential school partners. 

And if you are still in need of advice or recommendations, join us in the Parent Support for Online Learning Facebook group to connect with other parents who can provide feedback and guidance on their online school experiences.

Student Motivation and Engagement Tips for Online Learning

One of the most asked questions in our Parent Support for Online Learning Facebook group is how parents can keep students motivated during remote and online learning. Learning at home can be difficult for many reasons. If a remote learning plan is not user-friendly and parents and students have to navigate multiple learning platforms, simple assignments can be overwhelming. Students may be missing the routines of in-person learning. Students with learning differences may struggle in the online setting without the proper supports. And, frankly, some days are just more difficult than others for students and parents. 

So, what can parents do to help their students stay motivated and engaged in their online learning? Here are some suggestions. 

Check YOUR Attitude — be positive, set expectations, develop a culture of learning.

As parents and the caring adults in our kids' lives, we set the tone for how our students will approach learning at home. Provide a positive learning environment for your students. If you are excited about learning, your students are more likely to be excited as well.

Get Organized!

Provide an orderly area for your students to work. You may not have the luxury of a dedicated home classroom, but learning can happen at the dining room table or on the sofa if a student has the materials they need and space free of distractions. 

Give students opportunities to create daily schedules and weekly goals/rewards.

Students thrive in the online learning environment when they can take ownership of their education. Provide opportunities for students to create or have input in their daily/weekly schedules. They can decide which assignments to tackle first or devise goals and rewards for completing tasks.

Break down the day into “chunks” — use a timer to stay focused on tasks.

Breaking down the school day and assignments into smaller tasks can prevent students from feeling overwhelmed. And using a kitchen timer or the timer on a cellphone can help students focus and stay on track throughout the school day.

Help older students create timelines for big projects and writing assignments.

Again, it can be overwhelming to tackle big projects at home if a student is accustomed to having a teacher direct the time and pace of learning. Take some time to set up an initial plan of attack with your middle and high school students and do check-ins where they can give you status reports. Eventually, they will learn the skills to manage more significant assignments on their own.

Give students choices for free time — offline activities, fun screen time, outside play, and exercise.

Navigating the Resources Provided by Parent Support for Online Learning

Parent Support for Online Learning has provided resources, guidance, and mentorship to families since traditional school systems closed due to COVID-19. While our group is relatively new, our expertise comes from years of experience as online students, parents, educators, and advocates.

We understand the transition to full-time online learning can be challenging, and we know parents can always use encouragement and resources as they support their student’s educations. Through this website and our Facebook support group, we hope to give parents the resources they need to help their students be successful in the online learning environment.

Resources provided by Parent Support for Online Learning:

• Curated resources from trusted education providers and organizations.

• Resources and tips from fellow parents in our Facebook support group.

• Mentorship Program for personalized support from experienced online education parents and teachers.

• The Parent Exchange, our weekly show designed by parents for parents.

We encourage families to tap into these resources whether they are utilizing remote learning provided by their traditional schools, enrolled in full-time online or blended learning programs, homeschooling, or simply looking for online opportunities to support their children’s education. Parents don’t have to go it alone during online learning, and our community is here to help!